I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
