Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
