Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
