last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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