Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize