you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
