Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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