That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
