You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
