mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
