fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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