OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
