I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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