How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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