I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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