Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
