If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
