you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
