There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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