your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
