My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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