So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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