He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
