I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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