You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
