If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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