We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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