i already hear my dad disowning me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
