I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
