Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
