Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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