What did we do last night that was yellow?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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