good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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