He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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