My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
