You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
