Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
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he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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