He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
