Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
