you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
