lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
