Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
