1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm passing your future prison.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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