You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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