I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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