Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
