is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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