I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
