how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
