I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
