just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
