Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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