last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
