PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
