I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
