What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
