apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
