I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Couch. On fire.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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