my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
