so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My cat gives me a boner
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
