new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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