I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
