Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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