I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
