there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize