yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
