She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
