His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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