hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
